To the high school girls who called me “fat ass”

IMG_20140410_164811Dear high school girls,

Today you breezed by in a car and collectively yelled “fat ass” at me as I was running past your school.  At first, I looked around to see if anyone else was running near me, because if you took a long hard look at my ass, you’d realize that it looks like a pancake.  You know the kind, the type that was made for Mom jeans.

Maybe you just meant “PHAT ASS” and I misunderstood?  If so, I think you have nice taste and appreciate the kind words.

Something tells me though, that is not at all what you meant.   

I’m sure you think I’m just some old woman, but I assure you that I’m not that old.  I was your age the last time I heard the words “fat ass” being directed at me. They were paired with some other insults + being pushed against a locker.  That shit hurt.  Not being pushed, just the words.  I cried for days and was humiliated to show my face in school.

Although I was targeted some in high school, I also did my fair share of targeting and breaking down classmates.  It actually felt worse being the bully than it did getting bullied.  Is this true for you too?

I hope that by choosing me as your target it spared some other girls in your school the  negative attention.  Nobody ever deserves to hear hurtful words targeted at them, especially during the crucial and sensitive teenage years.

Your words reminded me of how hard high school is for some all girls.  Even the ones dishing out the harsh comments have it tough in some way or another.  Since you hollered at me (you learned it from somewhere, right?), I’m assuming you can relate to the pain that comes from being the target of bullying.  I’d love to know why you keep spreading hate instead of love?

Since I’m just a little older than you and I’ve weathered my fair share of life, I want to give you some words of wisdom (take it or leave it):

  1. High school is only four short years of your life.   For most of us, it’s the worst four.
  2. Getting through the tough times only makes you stronger.
  3. Focus on developing skills for whatever lights you up.  This will take you so much further than hate ever will.
  4. Be your weird self.  You’ll find the people who appreciate you.
  5. Spread the message of love.  There is at least one person you know that embodies kindness.  Ask that person to teach you how to do that.  You’ll never be sorry.
  6. Those mean kids hurt so much inside.  Practice #5 with the most with them.

My wish is that somehow this post finds you and for at least one day, you choose to be kind to others.  Watch what happens when you become a person that radiates light; you’ll become powerful in a way that inspires masses.  For now, practice with the classmate that really needs some love.  Walk with them in between class, pass them a funny note or stand up for them when they are being beaten down.

Again, I want to thank you for choosing me as your target today.  You don’t know this, but I am a life coach that teaches women how to love their bodies.  I practice what I preach day in and day out.  Your words didn’t hurt me, not in the slightest.  They just inspired me to spread light into the world and send immediate love to you.

Be the light, not the darkness.

Lots of love to you,

Betsy Fry

How to Become a Happier Person

There was a period in my life when the highlights of my days revolved around food.   My alarm would go off and my first thought was, “What am I going to eat for breakfast?”  That thought propelled me out of bed and had me racing to the kitchen before I even had time to check-in with my body.  As soon as breakfast was over, I was packing my snacks for work and preparing my lunch.  My breaks during work were spent scouring over restaurant menus and deciding where I would eat for dinner with my friends that night.  Once dinner was over, I would stop at a 7-11 and grab some sort of chocolate (God forbid I keep a stash of it at home, that is a whole other blog topic!).   Then I’d devour my chocolate within two minutes of walking in my door and finish my night off with a glass of wine.   The next day, I would wake up and do it again.

158/365 - Oh, Veronica Mars!!!
Helga Weber / / CC BY-ND

By reading that, one might assume that I had an empty life outside of food.  Unfortunately, that was not the case.  I had a good job, adoring friends, supportive family members, loving partners and I worked out on a regular basis.  My life was full, but no matter what I ate, I was not.

At this point in my life, food has very little hold over my being.  Food has become a source of fuel and because of that, I have become more present and incredibly happy.

What has changed and how can you make the same shift?

Obviously, I had a big issue with the role that eating was playing in my daily life.  Once I realized this, it became apparent that it needed to change.  I started paying attention to the small things that make me happy and have the power to feed my soul, not just my appetite.

Here is a list of what made me happy yesterday:

  • A new client that radiated positive energy and potential. 10%
  • Going to a yoga class. 20%
  • My husband’s sleepy smile when he woke up and our morning conversation. 20%
  • The furry residents of our household, Jack and Journey.  Anything about them. 10%
  • Another coaching client that is so young that I felt the beauty of her optimism and purity. 10%
  • The hour-long phone call with a best friend who is chasing a scary, yet beautiful, dream. 20%
  • Taking the time to relax by reading a Yoga Journal article and drinking my fav Apricot Beer.  10%

My challenge to you is to make a list of all of the things that filled up your life today.  Then assign a percentage to each one and see what percentage of happiness comes from food in your life.  If it is anymore than 10%, it is time to give credit to some of the other beautiful things around you.  I promise you that those wonderful things exist and it is time that you chose to see them.

Leave a comment below with your findings and if you would like some personalized tips, I am happy to weigh-in.

The Three Reasons You Are Not Losing Weight

We all have our reasons why we hold onto those few extra pounds.  Perhaps the weight protects you from going after your wildest dreams or maybe you do not have enough time to dedicate to the cause.  However strong your reason is, you can get past it and lose that weight.  As a life coach that specializes in weight loss, I have heard everything in the book.  I have also helped tons of individuals shed their reasons and move forward into living healthy lives.  Here are the three main reasons that are keeping you from losing weight and living a life you deserve.

Reason #1:  Excuses  Excuses are the biggest reason why people get stuck in a world of being overweight and unhappy.  I have heard excuses that range from “I do not love myself enough to lose weight,” to “Putting myself first makes me feel selfish.”  Whatever your excuse is, I have a hunch that you actually believe it.  Know this: Your excuses are not true and they are taking you away from living a life of truth.  The quicker you rid yourself of them, the sooner you can start taking the steps you have been longing for.

Action Plan:  Make a list of all of the excuses why you have held onto the extra weight.  Dig deep here.  Bring every single excuse to the surface and examine why you held onto that thought for so long.  The next time this excuse comes up you know that it is just an excuse and it holds no real meaning.  Let the excuse go and before you know it, you’ve proved that excuse wrong.

Christi Nielsen / Art Photos / CC BY-NC-ND

Reason #2:  Security If you have ever said something along the lines of, “I will start to date once I lose 15 pounds,” or “I will be happy once I lose weight,” then you are using your weight as a security blanket.  You are choosing not to live your life until you look different.  Start living your life right now!   When you allow yourself to do the things that you thought only your “skinny self” could do, you are proving to yourself that you do not deserve happiness right now and riding yourself the opportunity to live in the present.  When you allow yourself to live your life right now, the exact way that you are, you will be surprised what happens to your waistline.

Action Plan:  Jot down all of the things that you are waiting to do until you are at your ideal weight.  Choose one thing on your list and do it this week.  Rock your dreams at any weight and show yourself that happiness is not dependent on your pant size!

Reason #3:  Fear  There are a few different types of fear that can accompany weight loss; fear of making yourself a priority, fear of changing your lifestyle, fear of starvation, fear of working out and fear of being comfortable with oneself.  Whatever type of fear you can identify with, know that once you start working on whatever scares you, the fear will subside.  Remember how terrifying it was the first time you dove off a diving board?  Then you dove, survived, and did it again one hundred more times that day.  Fear can be paralyzing and can keep you from moving for years, or perhaps a lifetime.  Do not just wait for the fear to go away, work through it.

Action Plan:  Identify your fearful thoughts.  Once you have done that, ask yourself these genius questions by Byron Katie, “Is this thought true? Can you absolutely know that this thought is true?  How do you react when you think this thought? Who would you be without this thought?”  Once you put the fears out in the open, they hold less power in your mind.  Bonus: write down a thought that feels truer than your crappy fearful thought.  Set a daily reminder in your calendar with the new and improved thought and watch how your energy shifts.

These three main mental blocks come up time and time again.  They can manifest as a reality in your mind for a long time and convince you of a lot of untrue things.  Once you have worked through these things, start making changes slowly.  Do not shoot out of a cannon and make 100 changes to your life in one week, it’s not sustainable.  Just ask anyone who has cut out all carbs or tried to work out every morning at 5:00 a.m.  Start with small goals and once you have mastered those, move onto the next.  When it feels too hard to continue, take a break for one day.  Pick up wherever you left off the following day and find peace in knowing that you will get there.